May I?

Honesty

I come to you now with all I am honestly displayed before me.
With earnest love and unhesitating acceptance, I love who you are.
I present to you what you already hold:
My heart that is full of love and desire for your happiness.
My mind that is brimming with ideas and thoughts to share with you.
My soul that is growing every day in my love for Christ and desire to see His will in my life.
My self. Not one part of me do I withhold. There is no reason for me to.
You are good for me.

This is not anything different or anything new. Just a time for me to continue learning to express myself.
God does all things for a reason.
Don't take this wrong. Just take it for what it is; an expression of who I am.
You already know me. I don't have to tell you any of this. But it is satisfying to have it put into words.
We once had a conversation about intimacy. I wish I had kept that conversation, because I would like to share my views and opinions on intimacy and I expressed them so well (I thought) in that conversation.

There is nothing wrong with intimacy. But like I said before. Intimacy is so much more than physical or emotional. Intimacy is tied in with your mind and your soul. Most people don't understand that. Most people think that intimacy is for those in a romantic relationship, or for family. Why should we limit ourselves so? Intimacy, when shared between two friends, who both have God centered hearts, and who are willing to be honest and transparent, is a wonderful thing. God designed us to be intimate with other human beings, but sin has corrupted that intimacy from a thing of absolute beauty to something that is shied away from.
I wish I remembered all I had to say before... because it was well said.
Intimacy can be platonic and wholesome.

People assume we are married or dating. I am asked so often if we are dating or if we are just not "official" that I always have an answer ready. Our friendship is so simple. and yet the world in general assumes that we cannot merely be friends.

To that I say only that I am sorry for their simple-mindedness. Even many people that we know. They cannot grasp such things and it makes me sad for them that they have never had a friendship as pure as ours.

Sigh. There is more to this than I have said here. But the words escape me today, I lack the creativity.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Be prepared for me to respond in honesty and transparency if you choose to leave a narrow minded or idiotic comment.

****EDIT****
Pity. That's the word I was looking for earlier. I pity those who cannot grasp this.

Dreams

I have been having some strange trends in my dreams lately.

Four nights in a row I dreamt of horrible things happening to my very good friends.

Two nights in a row I dreamt of my own death.

Last night I had a crazy, wonderful, scary dream. One that I dare not share with anyone, especially the person of who I dreamt.

After almost three years of not dreaming, why are these the dreams I have?

Makes me wonder.

Rivalry

This post is just to inform you that Epic Weekend just might have a rival in this coming weekend...
Quicksilver Motorcycle Rally and Rodeo...
If it doesn't surpass Epic Weekend, it will be a tie or close second...
Countdown to departure: Six hours.
Seth, Em and I are riding up together! Should be awesome! A much more intense ride than the straight shot south that was Epic Weekend.

Last night was Bike Night down at I-240... It was in the parking lots of Old Chicago and Hooters.. It was okay, there were a lot of bikes there. But since we (Chase, Erica, and I) didn't go to get drunk... it was pretty short for us... We just walked around and looked at the bikes and then came home. Still ended up being out late and to bed late. So I'm tired today. But not too bad.

I still have to pack and do last minute prep for this weekend.
Clean Medusa, clean my helmet, pack, make sure I have everything I need. oi. :)
Life is good.

Rides

Well, long ride Friday night got cancelled, Em forgot she had plans already, plus a big storm came in. We had planned on staying up all night and watching the Perseids, but naturally we couldn't because of the storm. Made me sad, because I was seriously excited about that.

Saturday... I don't remember much about Saturday, it was pretty much a blah day. Oh, I put tags on my bike. (expensive!)
Sunday was a good day! Church was great, especially since Pastor is back from Nigeria. Then after church Em and I went for a short ride out through Yukon and then north a ways, it was highly enjoyable!

Work yesterday was pretty good... Just work mostly.
But then!
Seth and I went and got the tags for his bike! (seriously expensive!)
THEN!
We went and got the stuff and changed his oil in Rhiannon.
AND THEN!
Erica, Seth, Chase, Matt, Keith and I all rode up to Okarche and went to Eichen's (Eichen's, not elchens) which was awesome! Loved the ride up there! A ton of fun! They serve some really good fried chicken and some amazing fried okra! When you order a drink though... they bring you a foam cup with a bit of ice and a can of pop...wow...
The ride back was fun, six of us having fun and cruising down the road... absolutely loved it!
We took Em home and stood talking in her driveway with Chase for a while, that was fun. :)

Ah! God is good! I love the blessings He gives me every day!

Work is nicely slow this morning... almost half an hour into my shift and still no calls...

Not looking forward to the rest of today though. Well, I kinda am... I get almost three hours "off" work while still getting paid. That's nice! I have to go take my A+ test today. oi. no funz. Oh well, I'm pretty sure I'll pass... It's just a bit of a worry. :(

You, who I will be speaking with later today. I am sorry. Very sorry. I am not pleased at all. I'm not so selfish as to be happy about this. I will continue to pray for you. Remember that God is in control and you, as long as you are walking in the Light that He grants you, will be nestled safe in his hands.

I'm sleepy today, that's the only downside of amazing rides... getting home late. :)

Words

(NASB)Psalm 19:14
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.

People say some stupid things.
Including me.

Teenage boys yell stupid things at girls from their cars.
Young men say stupid things quietly.
Young men are fools.
Teenage boys are just idiots.

Which is better?

I try very hard to be sure I say the right things.
Even harder to make sure I don't say the wrong things.
But still those stupid words sometimes slip out of my mouth. (or in this case, my fingers)

Whap! Bang! Bounce! Whang!

Sigh.
I'm sorry again.
Please forgive me.

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And for you, who I just got off the phone with, remember your promises. I am praying for you.

Nobody

Who am I?
Nobody.
Who do I feel like?
Nobody.
Who loves me?
Somebody.
Who is that person?
God.
Who changes that?
Nobody.

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I find it interesting the things that I get myself into...
I am currently sitting in a Teamspeak channel with more than 30 other people listening to a monthly meeting of our gaming clan... This clan is a registered 501C3 charity and somehow I find myself in the officers of this organization..
Makes me "ctm"

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I love music... I just can't get enough.

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I have a headache... and I'm hungry.
Not. Cool.
Except the hungry part... that is good.

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This is an odd post.
Had a nice short ride with Em tonight.
Probly going on a long ride tomorrow night with her since Lenoh is letting young females invade the house...

Turmoil

Over the roiling sea in my breast,
God casts a net that calms and rests.
As my mind lists the uncertainties,
God walks to me on troubled seas.
My lonely heart cries out and brings a scowl,
With my Lord there are no sorrows now.
"Lord!" I cry, "My needs are great!"
He fixes me with knowing stare,
For He sees all from Mercy Seat.
My pains cannot compare,
To what He felt while hanging there.
I give my all and lean on Him,
I need not fear when sight grows dim.

I'm not cool but that's okay

Hrmm...
Work has been crazy this last couple of weeks... between being live on the phones, VBS, and riding with Em. My days have been very very full.

I'm finally getting into the swing of things... I am adjusting to my new schedule. (0600-1500) It's tough.. but I do apparently need to go to bed at about nine or ten every night.
I'm getting used to the process at work. I'm able to handle most of my calls. There are only a few things that are just beyond what I have been trained in.

So many people in this life are petty. I don't like that.

I promised a post about a status I put on Facebook, but I haven't had time to get it put together. This morning is the first time I have been on the phones and haven't been totally slammed with calls...
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Aaaand we're back!
The above was composed Friday at work.
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First reactions

My first reaction is of recession. To remove myself from everything as much as possible.
But logical thoughts take over and I realize that will not help anything.

**********
Every time I eat at a Mexican restaurant I think of you. I almost ordered a virgin pina colada tonight to remember you better. But decided against it. We ate at Ted's Cafe Escondido and it was pretty good, didn't like waiting an hour to get in...

Have a nice life.

++++++++++

This post completed from a draft created a few days ago.

Failings

I am tempted to just give it all up. Clearly nothing attempted will ever succeed. A perfect track record of 100% failure can attest to that.
I'm ready to see jesus.

There is just no use. I screw everything up.