Things that were

But are no more.
The clothes fill the box, they are memories of thinner, more active, more...lets just leave it at they haven't been worn in months, some of them years. The hangars are assorted, all styles, colors and types, most of them in good shape.
The clothes are laid in the box and folded over in an attempt to preserve their former neatness, except... well, except for that lump there, no not that one, the big one under the shirt there.
The clothes press down and almost smother the small thing there, but it is nothing compared to what he has experienced in the past. But then, those were happier circumstances, happier times and companions.
He chokes back a sob as he remembers and slowly works to escape the pressure on him. He finally manages to uncover part of himself, and he collapses again under the weight of the clothes.
It's been so long since he was needed, and a tear appears in his eye before being absorbed again by his cheek. These tears are not his own, but ones that he has bourne in the past for others as he held and consoled them, gave them the comfort that others could not.
But wait, do you hear that? At last! One of those companions has returned! He can hear him talking, look, look there! The shirts are moved aside! A wave of cool air washes over him as large, calloused, yet gentle hands lift him into the air.
Joy floods his heart as he remembers the better times of the past, the love and happiness that is stored with his little body from the times it could not be shared. He almost glows as it all rushes to the surface of his soft brown skin and he lovingly looks again into the face of he who owns him.
But. No! Oh why?!
There isn't happiness looking back at him! Only sadness, with a hint of pain, "oh what have I done" he wonders to himself. He doesn't understand, he only wants to love and be loved. Not cause this pain.
He is crestfallen, he hangs limply in the hands and doesn't even react when he is placed back into the box.
He is alone again, with the knowledge that for the time being, he cannot again bring joy.
He begins to weep quietly as his master walks away, he doesn't fight or lash out as the clothes begin again to take over.
But what he doesn't know, is that the initial joy on his face was noticed, it started a change in his master, and his master will soon reclaim him as a companion. There is yet hope, for he can once again be pulled from his living grave and be restored to his former place!
He sparked this story, and now...
Chesterton sleeps at my side tonight.
Yes, it's true, this story is about my stuffed monkey. But I love this little guy...

The views of others

It is interesting to find out the way other people view you. I have been having a few odd experiences with people lately, and in these happenings, it comes about that I learn how they view me. It's an interesting thing to learn, because it changes how you understand them.

Just a couple of examples.
I work with a fellow by the name of Anthony. We became acquainted through the office communicator and a group help chat that was going. Then it started that I was being tasked to do more second level work, which is what he does. We haven't really talked much about anything except work, and then one day I say to him "Yo!" and his response is "Don't ever say that again, you are one of the most educated people here." This kind of boggled my mind, as we had never discussed education or anything close. Anthony has said that to me several times in response to things like "dood" and "aight" always his response is "You are one of the most educated people here, don't do that."
And then the other day, he asked how old I was. I told him, and he said "Oh, well you are younger than I thought." I said "yeah, most people say that" and his response to that kind of blew me away... He says "Well, you dress older."
I dress older? What exactly does that mean? Besides that I'm not "cool"? I just told him that I didn't dress according to fashion, but rather what was comfortable to me. So I am now aware that how I dress affects how people determine my age. I guess.

And then just yesterday, I was talking with Someone and I was informed that I had surprised them. How? I asked. "You are more of a man than I expected."
Interesting. More of a man than what? Although I know the comparisons being made, it still makes me wonder about what was expected, and if I should do something so that others don't have the same impression of a "lesser" man.

It's fascinating the correlations people draw, all because of their past and their experiences.

Updates

Neh... Life is crazy. Just when you think you are settling down into a nice routine it throws you a curve ball that rocks you on your heels.

Things have been going pretty good. I'm working, paying the bills, enjoying Medusa almost every day. Doing small things now and then to relax.. God is still teaching me, I just have to remember to learn.

(Sorry, I know there are a lot of random statements in my posts... It's just the way my head works.)

I feel like writing a story, but I don't have the proper motivation. Had a talk with Em last night about music and how I don't feel like I am talented in music. "Just because something doesn't come easily to you, doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't talented" Thanks.

This last weekend was the Susan G. Komen race for the Cure in Tulsa. I had agreed at the beginning of the summer to run the 5k... But I am such a fat lazy slob that I didn't run at all this summer to get in shape for it, so I walked it instead. :(
I rode up there Friday evening, it was cold and there were quite a few storms. So I was getting road spray the whole way there... and about 10 minutes before I got there it really started to rain on me, so I got rather wet... But Medusa does well in the rain and I didn't really have any trouble. ("There" being the Barger's house just outside of Tulsa)
Lauren and Ricki drove down from Cinci for the race, so they were there. I met Lauren's family and then I changed out of my wet clothes and Lauren, Ricki and I went to meet up with some of Lauren's friends at a sushi place. (In The Raw, decent place for serving blech stuff)
Lauren forced me to eat it... One of the rolls she ordered was pretty good, but the other wasn't so great because it had salmon in it... So we ate there with her friends and it was fun. Then we just headed back home. Ended up getting home before her family, Lauren's words were "We are home before the old people!"
But it was okay because Ricki was sick and needed to go to bed. So she went to bed and Lauren and I stayed up while she did homework and we waited on her family to get home.
Once they got there we sat around and talked for a while. Her family is pretty cool, first off her little sister is awesome! She makes me laugh so hard! She also looks like a carbon copy of Angela Free from about eight years ago...
Her older sister and her husband are pretty cool too. Her older sister reminds me a lot of Dana Paxton's older sister, and that kinda freaked me out at first, but I got over it. Her dad and mom are just cool cats. Funny, smart, down to earth people that are easy to talk to and accepting of others.
Anywho, went to bed, got up and went to the Run (walk) and there we met up with Alyssa and Joyce Hauck, (haven't seen them in years) met Byron's wife again. We ended up walking part of the 5k and the 1 mile. (they did several different walks at different times in the morning)
After the walk we all headed home and relaxed for a while, then once the whole group was reassembled, we had some really good beef brisket and tater salad. After lunch it was relax and nap time! :) The rest of the Saturday was spent just relaxing, talking, and watching movies. (the home movies were hilarious!)
Finally the time came for me to leave, I dressed up for the ride home and hit the road. It was a crazy ride home, I had been watching the weather and didn't figure I would get rained on until right when I hit OKC. But the wind was my real enemy! I was fighting a strong headwind plus crosswind gusts, it was pretty rough so I was laying on the tank most of the way. (doing 90) and sure enough, just as I predicted, it started to rain on me just when I hit the intersection of 44 and 35. Got pretty drenched in about 15 minutes of riding. But made it home safe and sound.
All in all, a great weekend

Tonight: Em's first softball game! Exciting! Tomorrow: Church (I think) Thursday: NO WORK! STATE FAIR! ZONINO! (and the first time I get to ride with Em since before Labor day)

Well, hope you enjoyed my book-post. I'll put something more up another time. (Eventually)

Lagging

Yeah, I'm running a bit behind in my posts... Just been running a bit ragged. Life is good.

 Weather finally cooled off. That makes for some chilly riding lately... but it's worth it!

Went to the river for Labor day, the ride out Monday morning was almost as frigid as the ride home Monday night... The day at the river was awesome, only downside is the sunburn I received on the tops of my feet. >.>

Haven't been able to ride with Em for a few days because she isn't riding until she gets her M on her license. She rode with me last night though and we went down and sat by the lake for an hour, it was a nice relaxing evening. We found out that out in the middle of the lake, where there is usually a lot of water... there is what used to be a concrete bridge... apparently when they put up the Dam, they didn't figure it was necessary to remove it and just let it stay.

I've been having a lot of things make me think about children lately... First it was a dream the other night that I had three kids. Then it was a situation where I was called upon to play foster dad to an irate 10 year old. That isn't even including all of the times I interact with or see kids that makes me wish I had my own. I want to be a father, but I want to be ready to be. If that makes any sense. But the way things are going currently, I don't think I'll be having kids any time soon.

I have to keep rolling, can't get bogged down and get stuck in a rut. I'm in a good place right now, I just have to stay happy and keep working my way up and out. Bills, Life, People, all are important, I just have to keep learning to balance them.

Pettiness is a big pet peeve of mine... Just saying.

I don't know... I just... Don't know what to put down here. I want to be able to spill out my brains on here (that could get messy) but there is only one place/situation/time I am comfortable doing that.

I have a couple of faithful readers, to you, I just hope you don't grow bored with my usual idiocy.

Musing

Yeah that's right. I'm in that mood again. Scary I know. Work is being kinda stressful this week. Which means I've been trying to relax and have been staying up too late... so I'm operating on too little sleep. It caught up with me today, I was sick most of the day and ended up coming home from work and going straight into a 2 hour nap which was great. Now I'm in a odd mood. Feeling that odd need to go, do, see... I want to go see something new, I want to do something new. I want to spend time with people I care about. I want to shift my focus again. Have a time machine handy? Do you ever wish you could go back say... 10 years and do some things over? I do. I would be happy if I could just send myself a message 10 years ago. I know exactly what I would say. But what I don't know is how it would change my life today. Because my life would be so drastically different. But I must wonder, if I were able to make those changes... who is to say that I wouldn't have had similar problems to the ones I have had? Everything seems so simple, but it really isn't. Because I am who I am because of the mistakes I've made. I am better for them. I am thankful for the paths I have trod. I don't want to work for a mega company for the rest of my life. I want to have a job where my "job" is something that I do... not something that hundreds of other people do... I want to stay in this field... but not in this job. If that makes sense. This post is confusing. I might change the title of the post since I have other thoughts I might prefer to label as musings.