Selfish

It's hard to be selfless.
Being selfish is part of our fallen human nature. Satan takes this and uses it against us powerfully. When we are acting under selfish motivation, we are unable to see what God is trying to do for us and through us.

Doing the "right" thing often includes being selfless. Being selfless goes against everything in us. (Yes I realize I seem to be restating the same information)

I write because of experience. I am currently having to give my selfishness to God. In a certain situation in my life I could be very happy if I gave into my selfishness. But in doing so I would hurt people.

Perhaps in this struggle I am not really being selfless. Perhaps because it is an effort at all it is still just a display of selfishness?

I don't know. All I know is that I am struggling with these decisions I have made. I know that what I am doing is right. I am sacrificing what I desire. But the desire is still there.

I am not even sure what I am trying to say... I guess just that I still think about it. Wondering if I should be.
Trying to stick by my guns.

Today marks day three. Feels like it has been three weeks. I am glad someone understands things better than I do. Because if things were up to me, life would be even MORE of a mess. :)

I might try writing another story for you, maybe not as sad this time?

I miss you.