Better

Some answers are better left unknown.

Some questions better left unasked.

Sometimes it's better not to know.

Gypped

A few weeks ago I jokingly told my mother that I felt I had been gypped on intelligence. (Reasoning below)

I have begun to think that maybe I was right...

-----------------------------

See, I've got 7 siblings. That means 8 of us total. So here is my reasoning:

Mom knew she was going to have a bunch of kids, so she stored up a bunch of intelligence to give them, and when my oldest brother came along, he got a good dose. (He's wicked smart... CNO at TypeFrag.com or something like that. He also taught for Microsoft.)

Then comes my oldest sister, and she got a good dose too. (Master's degree in some sort of child development/counselling)

Then my next oldest brother, and he got a good dose. (4+ degrees, deployed Navy Reserves)

Then another brother, a good dose for him. (2 degrees, IT support at the corporate offices of one of the biggest car dealerships in Oklahoma. AND musically talented beyond imagination.)

Then another sister, and she got a good dose. (Going for equine surgeon, musically talented.)

Now that's five kids right there, all with good doses of intelligence, and I think maybe mom didn't realize just how much she had given each of them... Because then I come along at number six, and I get the dregs of the lot.

At this point, mom realizes her mistake, and builds up a bunch more intelligence for the next kids to come along. (Too late for me)

Younger brother = Great dose! Smartest of the lot, I think he got intelligence equal to three of the others... 

Younger sister = good dose! 

Both of the younger are currently in college, and are going to go much farther than I ever will.

So I was just the unlucky number 6.

Gypped. :/

Idiocy

...one of the few things I excel at.

I might as well have pulled out my knife and stabbed myself in the chest.

Signature

He looked slowly around the room taking in the faces, letting the silence settle and waiting for someone to speak up. When no one seemed inclined to speak, he made a statement and asked a question.

Twenty minutes later, he put his signature on six pieces of paper.

As he signed them, he suddenly thought "My signature decides how the rest of this man's life will be lived."

----------------------------------------------

My world was shaken today.

Still trying to shake it off.

Options

I spend the majority of my time one of two ways...

I am either:
1. Being completely ignored
or
2. Being the central focus of awkward and unwanted attention

I much prefer the former, so I'd like to just go and live out my days peacefully in a desert somewhere.

Definitions

Weakness: A luxury I cannot afford.

Happiness: That age-old illusion that deceives all men.

Marriage: Something that I am losing faith in.

Pathetic: Being 24, living at home, having graduated from college with an impractical degree, and going nowhere in life.

Women: A frustrating waste of time.

Hopeless:  Me.

-----------------------

Not interested in feedback. Just needed to put this out there somewhere.

Thoughts of Love

An excerpt from a book I am reading:

He shook his head. "No, There are many ways to love
someone. Sometimes we want love so much, we're not too choosy about
who we love. Other times we make love such a pure and noble thing, no
poor human can ever meet our vision. But for the most part, love is a
recognition, an opportunity to say, "There is something about you I
cherish.' It doesn't entail marriage, or even physical love. There's
love of parents, love of city or nation, love of life, and love of
people. All different, all love.

Current thought

Hoping is for the weak minded and Someday is for fools.

Insights into a strange mind

Sitting here at my desk...Bored, playing silly games on my phone, letting my mind wander, and I suddenly had an aha! moment... 
Humour me as I share my thoughts.

Stupid tourists, I fleece thee, gimme moar monees!  (http://goo.gl/ngZ8U)
I shall destroy all of you puny aliens! You have no hope! You may call me Destroyer, or "Destro" for short!
(http://goo.gl/nheiv)
ooh Destro! Where have I heard that? (Image of an actor pops into my head)Hmmm so I know he said it, I remember he said it with a scottish accent, but why would The Doctor be saying something with a scottish accent?!
Wait...Wait... Oh! I knew I had seen Nine in something before!
Nine is also McCullen!
(G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra)

Just my strange mind at work...

Out Of Reach

I need you tonight.
To wrap me in your arms
Protect me from my fright
Silence all alarms

You used to be there
Sometimes needing
Sometimes needed
Each the other's shield

Tonight the silence is unbroken
Fabric absorbs my silent tears
I want to ask you to hold me
I want to say your name and know that you'll be near

But I know that you no longer need me
Your heart has healed
Others deserve your love more than I
I will not force your attention to myself

So tonight I lie alone
Ignoring the trickles down my cheeks
Turning my heart to stone
Until the sunlight peeks

Because you are out of reach.

Storms

God can bring you joy in the midst of a storm.

It may not be that God changes the storm, or that He makes it easier, or even that He makes it stronger.

Sometimes it could be something totally unrelated to the storm you are battling, but it brings a smile to your face, and joy to your heart, and you can't help but cry, not because of how much the storms hurt, or because of how hard life is... Just because in the midst of the screaming winds and violent waves, God reaches out his hand and shows you that He loves you.

I am going through a lot of really tough things in my life right now, along with my whole family. But today, God wanted to make it clear to me that He loves me.
There are a lot of things that I want, but cannot afford... So I just look at them and hope for a day that they will fit in my budget. But today, God changed that.

He gave me twelve (12) items that without His help I would not have been able to afford for at least a year or two... I could not believe it..

I'll post pictures soon.

I wish I knew

A lot of things.

Tonight:

1. Who it is so I can slap him.

2. If she exists.

Discouraged

For many reasons.

But prime among them, is how many friends and family I have and people I know, who are unable to have a lasting marriage. This seems to be the curse of the last two generations.

At the same time though, I just attended the funeral of a man who was married for 60+ years.

My resolve is to have one marriage, and for it to be for life. But will I ever find someone whose resolve matches my own?

It's looking doubtful.

I would

I would
~~~~~~~~~~

Align with you.
Be seen with you.
Cry with you.
Dance with you.
Eat with you.
Freeze with you.
Go with you.
Hunt with you.
Invent with you.
Jump with you.
Knit with you.
Laugh with you.
Mingle with you.
Nurture with you.
Operate with you.
Play with you.
Quote with you.
Ride with you.
Sing with you.
Talk with you.
Unwind with you.
Vanish with you.
Wane with you.
Xylophone with you.
Zonk with you.

I would never ask anything in return.
Because being with you would be enough.


*********
Duplicate letters:

Sit with you.
Stay with you.
Run with you.
Live with you
Walk with you.
Survive with you.
Love with you.
Work with you.
Sweat with you.
Roam with you.
See with you.
Drive with you.

Short and Sweet

Best friend. Starbucks coffee. Coffee Cake. College Bookstore. Baseball.

Yesterday was a good day.

If only

If only I had a big life insurance policy...

Today's thought

I don't drink enough for this.

I wonder...

What will I screw up next???
Motorcycle accident? No, that would be too easy...
Oh I know! I'll probably get fired this week and then they will repo her.
Hmmm, wonder what after that?
Die in some freak accident? No, again, too easy...
Who knows?? It will definitely be off the charts of stupidity and idiocy!

Wayne

In the 2002 film adaptation of the classic novel The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas, Jacopo finds Dantes sleeping on the floor beside the large bed in his chateau. "Did you fall off the bed?" He asks. Dantes replies "After fourteen years of sleeping on a stone slab, I can't..." Jacopo interrupts with an exclamation in inquiry about the scars on his back.

Last night I slept on a mattress for the first time in several weeks, and my back is exclaiming it's displeasure with me this morning. I think I am moving back to the floor for tonight...

Because this is me today:

Night Rides

I enjoy riding at night, in spite of bugs and periodic visibility issues.
I also enjoy riding with a passenger, especially a passenger who knows how to ride.
Night ride + Passenger who knows how to ride = Amazingly enjoyable.

I had just settled into bed, relaxing to the soothing sound of Andrea Bocelli in my earbuds as I began to drift off. Suddenly the lofty sounds of Dell'Amore Non Si Sa were interrupted by a text message. "I wish it wouldn't stop the music to play those notifications. Might as well check it."
"You busy?" she asked. No ma'am.
"I need a ride." Let me put some shoes on.


Five minutes later, I pull out of my driveway at 2335. I don't need to ask questions, I know that the request wouldn't have been made if it weren't necessary. Picked her up, filled the tank, and hit the road headed nowhere in particular, just enjoying the "cool" night air. (It was still in the lower 90's)

After 45 minutes we ended up sitting by the lake listening to the waves on the shore and enjoying the breezy moonlit night.I listened quietly and allowed her to vent her frustrations, I offered my 2 cents of advice, we talked about random things, had a laugh, and headed home.

I walked in the house at 0120 this morning, exhausted. Dropped into bed and didn't even bother with the music this time.
But I didn't mind, because $10 on the credit card and a couple hours of sleep is a small price to pay for the chance to be there for a friend when they need you.