Here it comes again

That feeling I hate.
I know it is not true most of the time. I know it is a lie to bring me down.
I know I should ignore this and find my self-worth in Christ.
I know that I can rise above this.

So why is it they I can never defeat this lie?
Why do I let this bring me down? Why can I not translate my knowledge into faith and victory?
Why do I fail to overcome this?

Does this point to my history of failures?
Am I going to face a pattern of failures the rest of my life?
If so, it will cause me to change my life goals completely.

I hate feeling like I force myself on people, especially my friends.
It makes me pull away and stop talking to them unless they initiate.
It makes me reclusive and reluctant to share for fear that they don't really care...

I didn't miss not having a phone very much, my phone is convenient for me, not a necessity. (I did get a very nice phone by the way, God blessed me)
What made me sad about not having a phone, was not being missed. Most people didn't even notice I didn't have a phone for two weeks.
How sad is your existence when you can drop off the face of the earth for two weeks and not be missed? Do I really have so little an impact on people's lives?

Yes I know that this is a self piteous and whining post, but it's better to put it on here than to spew about it out loud.

So if you find me less talkative, or less social, just ignore me, it's just me wallowing in self pity.

I've been working at it, but my self esteem is still at an all time low.