Epic Weekend

Lot of stuff happened this weekend!

First off, God gave me the Mean Streak that I wanted. No sooner had I given up on it and given it over to Him, than He turned around and made it possible for me to get it. She is so beautiful! I named her Medusa. It fits her very well. I may try and post a picture or two later on.

This weekend was also the weekend for me to go down to Durant to take my MSF course. So Friday after work, Em and I hit the road down 177 and took an awesome road trip! We got to the class a few minutes late because we had some trouble finding it. But it wasn't a big deal, the instructor turned out to be a great guy. He was in the army and was a police officer. He was a Christian guy and made a point of praying for the whole class after we finished on Saturday. But I'm getting ahead of myself..
Friday evening in the class was good, we covered all of the questions that might be on the state written exam, watched videos and listened to a lot of funny stories. Em and I were so tired, we had to stand up sometimes to keep from falling asleep.

Shawn showed up to take Seth's spot in the class, and that night we rode home with him and left our bikes at the school. Friday evening we just went to bed. Saturday morning we were up and going at 6 and picked up our bikes and met the rest of the class at the instructor's church to do the riding portion. Em and I had the largest and nicest bikes there. Everyone was duly impressed. :)

Fast forward to about 12:30 and we were finishing up. I now feel a lot more comfortable on my bike and I can control her a lot better. One of the last maneuvers he had us do, was to ride a figure 8 inside a box the size of 3 parking spaces and it was nearly impossible, especially on my big bike... and after the class he told us that the actual state requirements say that the box should be 8 feet longer and 12 feet wider than the one he had us do it in. and that you could even use the whole parking lot, as long as you are able to do a figure 8. (It was humorous, he was ready to run away from us)

So, Saturday afternoon we went back to Laura and Shawn's and Laura had lunch ready for us, so we chowed down on some good food! After that we just relaxed for a few hours, and then went out and went swimming in their big in ground pool for three hours. That was totally awesome! After swimming, we went and rented Tangled and came back to watch it and eat tacos. Then bed.

Sunday morning we had a big breakfast and then got ready to hit the road again. We ended up leaving at 11 and it took us 5 hours to get back because we stopped several places and took the long way home... We are both so sunburned now! My arms are all blistered and sore. I don't thing Em blistered, but she was burnt too.

It was an amazingly fun and relaxing weekend! God is so good to bless us like this!

Possibilities

Okay so I'm laying here in bed, my head is processing information so fast I can't get two thoughts together before it moves on...

First. Those of you who are faithful readers, you are always welcome to leave comments... (I also welcome comments from passers by)

Second. I see all of these possibilities in my life that I could accomplish with hard work and determination... But what about the ones I don't see?? What about the untold things that I could do or be if I have God's blessing and anointing? Those things that are in my scope of imagination are so petty compared to what He can do through me if I allow myself to be yielded to Him to be wielded as an instrument of His glory!

Third. I love my friends. I love the different perspectivesi get from them. I love how none of them are the same. I am so thankful for friends who aren't afraid to be as transparent with me as I am with them.

Fourth. I am a strong person. Not of my own making, but because of where I have been and my God who has carried me when I was too weak and who bolstered me when I needed to stand. I tend to forget the strength that has been promised and made available to me.

Fifth. Who am I? That I should choose my way? The Lord shall choose for me, tis better far I know!
I'm not making the decisions in my life, I'm just trying to follow the path that He places before me, but when that path grows dim, I am learning to patiently wait for Him.

Enough! My eyes finally grow tired!

I believe the Bible

The Bible is God's word. It does not change. It is never wrong. 

So when I read passages like these:

Deuteronomy 18:10

Deuteronomy 18:14

2 Kings 9:22

2 Kings 21:6

2 Chronicles 33:6

1 Samuel 15:23

Micah 5:12

And most specifically THIS ONE

Galatians 5:19-21

It tells me that witchcraft is NOT something that God condones for His children. I don't have to say anything else. God has already said it all in His Word. 

I just want you to know I stand with Him on the matter.

Changes

Well, I decided not to get the 2000... for now anyways. I was going to try for a Mean Streak but it sold before I could get to it... so now I'm just going to wait and see what comes my way.

God is good. All the time, He is good.
Lord, remember me... I need you.
"I will lift my eyes to the healer of the hurt I hold inside"

Sadness Sometimes Brings Happiness

Monday evening we had a ride planned with Em, Chase, Joe and we were going to head to Mustang to meet one of their friends, Keith, and from there we would all ride out west somewhere for a nice evening ride.
So in preparation for the ride, I put oil in the bike, fueled up, added sea foam to the fuel. Checked everything to be sure it was good, and it all seemed to check out.
I met Em at her place at 1830 and we met up with Joe and Chase a little while later and hit the road for Mustang... we had no problems up until we were about five minutes from Keith's house... and as we turned the corner my bike spewed forth a cloud of smoke and died on me.
After a few minutes of troubleshooting I managed to get it the rest of the way to Keith's where we diagnosed it as probably a blown gasket or some such. (Possibly caused by overfilling the oil)
When we got to Keith's we found out that he was not going to be able to go on the ride with us. But he offered to allow me to ride his bike so that we could still go.
Initially I declined.

I was off making arrangements for mom to come and pick me up, when I turned around and noticed Keith in the garage pulling the cover off of his bike showing it to Em, I heard her say "oh no" and then I saw the bike...
2006 Kawasaki Vulcan 2053 Vance and Hines pipes, bags, windshield bag, custom handmade leather seat, sissy bar, wide tires 27k miles.
Keith says "you sure you don't want to ride? It might be for sale if you like it"
So now I'm working at getting a loan to buy this beautiful beast of a bike!

It is huge! But not so huge that I can't handle it. :)

Consistency

Consistency is now my goal... I don't know if I can. But I am going to try.

The situation has reached the point where I am forced to accept it.So now I am going to do my best NOT to follow my immediate instinct which is to remove myself from everything and everyone as far as possible... No drastic or dramatic changes. Just. Be. Me.

*********

On brighter notes, I had an amazing day today with Em and her coworker Chase... We rode to MWC to Sams and then out through Harrah, up to 66 and back into the city with a stop at Pop's Soda to cool off. 5 1/2 hours. 110 degree heat. It was a blast!

Now I'm home and trying to cool down and re hydrate. All in all? A good day!

Where is the undo button?

Before I started this newest line of blogging, I decided to start fresh... And rather than start a new blog and have to redo a lot of work. I just deleted all of my past posts rather than ignore their existence...
I'm kinda regretting it now. Now a reader (yes I am pretending I have them) won't be able to read a progression... I doubt the type of stuff I post has changed much though. *ctm* such a life.

Enjoyment and Reminders

As the title states, this post shall address enjoyable things and reminders. Enjoyable things are, well, enjoyable. So they should always be addressed first, unless there is responsibility too. (responsibility before reward you know) and the reminders will come later in the post after we have finished with the enjoyable things, because as we all know, reminders are rarely if ever concerning pleasant things, and this one is no exception...

So...
I played hooky from church tonight (I had good reason, I was helping a friend and couldn't make it) and went for a very nice and enjoyable ride around northwestern OKC. It was still pretty hot, but we were in some nice areas where it cools down quickly.we just roamed around and had a wonderful time. The only downside was that as a car drive past me out threw a rock up and hit me on the shin. :(
But anywho, she got to fill her bike up with fuel for the first time and was very happy when it cost her all of $10.46 and I must agree that I love not paying $50+ every time my tank is empty...

Now for the reminders...

First of all, this is day...oi, I don't remember... 7 I think? Feels much much longer.

Secondly, I haven't forgotten you, not an I likely to. If you have the nerve to think that how I feel has changed, then I am sorely disappointed.

Third, I love you still, and I miss you every moment of every day. It sounds lame and like a cliche, but I cannot begin to tell you how many times I stop myself from contacting you every day.

Fourth, I watch you from a distance and you seem to be happy. So I am reassured that I have done the right thing. It just makes me wonder if you think about me.

Fifth, I still pray for you both. Twice a day, morning and evening, and any time I start feeling selfish.

I miss you very much.

**********

Oh well, I'm a sucker, but then you already knew that.

Friends

Friends are great to have.
God gives us the capacity to have relationships for our own benefit, but also the benefit of others.
If all you ever look at in a friendship is how it can be positive for you or how good it is for you. Then you are a selfish ogre and don't deserve friends.

True friendship goes both ways. You can be both a giver and a taker. But you should never have to take from a true friend, they give willingly. As should you. Friends should be a source of comfort and unconditional love, but should also be steel, to sharpen and refine you.

Friends sometimes come and go in your life. But then there are friends who come into your life and are a steady point, who remain consistent and true, regardless of what life brings. That is the kind of friend I strive to be. But I am not afraid to let go of a friendship when the time comes. For I know that my God has a plan in all things.

I have a friend who came into my life early on, but then we drifted apart for a long time. Now God has rekindled this relationship into a stronger friendship than we could have had had we remained close all of those years we were apart.

I am humbled yet again and reminded that I am not skilled to understand His plan. So I can once again stop pretending I do.

I am blessed with amazing friends. I strive to be a blessing as well.

Roaming ramblings

Right now I'm cruising west on I-44 at 75mph, but my mind is moving so much faster and in other directions.

No matter how I look at it, or what logic I use, or faith I employ it always comes back to one fundamental truth; God is doing a lot of changing in my life right now and I am going to have to learn His present desires for me.

Problem is, I'm still in a state of loss and confusion. I know that I am where God wants me, but I don't know what direction I am supposed to be headed. I am attempting to trust Him to guide me.

I see the things that God is putting into my life things that He is using to shape me and to develop me. I have no doubt of His control.

(nearly to our destination now)

My heart is still healing, and the way I tend to give it away so easily, it might take a while. "I can make it through the pain, I can learn to smile again, for The Healer lives in me."

There is more to say, but after a six hour break in my line of thought I can't bring it to mind.

Day four. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have picked up the phone and had to stop myself. You understand things and I want to share them with you.

I miss you.

Selfish

It's hard to be selfless.
Being selfish is part of our fallen human nature. Satan takes this and uses it against us powerfully. When we are acting under selfish motivation, we are unable to see what God is trying to do for us and through us.

Doing the "right" thing often includes being selfless. Being selfless goes against everything in us. (Yes I realize I seem to be restating the same information)

I write because of experience. I am currently having to give my selfishness to God. In a certain situation in my life I could be very happy if I gave into my selfishness. But in doing so I would hurt people.

Perhaps in this struggle I am not really being selfless. Perhaps because it is an effort at all it is still just a display of selfishness?

I don't know. All I know is that I am struggling with these decisions I have made. I know that what I am doing is right. I am sacrificing what I desire. But the desire is still there.

I am not even sure what I am trying to say... I guess just that I still think about it. Wondering if I should be.
Trying to stick by my guns.

Today marks day three. Feels like it has been three weeks. I am glad someone understands things better than I do. Because if things were up to me, life would be even MORE of a mess. :)

I might try writing another story for you, maybe not as sad this time?

I miss you.

Random post # 1

At work. Bored. Don't feel like trying to write again.

Song in my head today: The older I get, Skillet

Wishing I worked the earlier shift today.Then I could get some stuff done that I need to... Oh well, there's always Monday I suppose. :)

I wonder who in Japan and Russia is reading my blog. ;)

I want to learn how to tap dance.

Okay I'm done.

Hypothetical Scenarios

Join me, if you will, as we fast forward a few years into the future...

You are just another person, in your early twenties, finishing your education and getting things ready for a life ahead of you. Working, paying your bills. Life is good. Then one day something happens that makes you realize you have been making mistakes, a lot of them. What happened is an accident, this accident was caused by a building of your mistakes.

You woke up that morning just like every other. But towards the end of your day the culmination of your mistakes causes the traumatic loss of your right leg from just above the knee. The pain is unbearable, but through proper medical care you are able to deal with it. Then, one day in rehab, someone walks in with a once in a lifetime opportunity for you. They are willing to use their experimental technology to replace your leg.

Now, there is no guarantee that this will be 100% successful, there are risks involved. This person carefully explains the risks and you have a lengthy discussion, part of the risks is that your body could reject the replacement limb and it could be even more painful than the accident that resulted in your loss of said limb.

Weeks of testing and analyzing. Finally, you are ready to begin having a cybernetic limb grafted on to replace your leg. You are told that the process will take several days and that they will have to keep you sedated during the entire procedure. You agree to this and after much preparation you finally lay down on the gurney to begin.

----------

You wake slowly, your head feels heavy and hollow. Your eyes don't want to open, they seem dry. As you begin to stir, you are helped to sit up. You look around the room and try to remember why you are here. Suddenly everything stops. Your eyes are wide and staring as you slowly draw the sheet back to reveal a natural looking pair of legs. As you closely inspect your right leg, you realize that it even has the 4 inch scar below the knee from a childhood accident. You slowly reach down to touch it and gasp, jerking your hand back as you realize you felt as your fingers touched the scar.

You slowly try to move your toes. Your whole foot moves with the effort instead of just the toes. The person who offered you this miracle is standing beside you and begins to explain that the muscles in the cybernetic limb are yet untrained so that you can learn to use them as you would your own. So that your movements and strength will be natural.

----------

A few months later, you are back on your feet. Things are going well, you have learned to walk again, even started running recently. The only evidence remaining from your accident is a small scar around the top of the replacement limb and occasional phantom pains. But they are bearable when compared to the freedom you have been granted once more.

Then one night you wake up with the sensation that you leg is on fire. You look at your leg and are horrified to see that the scar is beginning to open. You immediately call your benefactor and inform them of this development, and you are advised to return to the facility where the procedure took place as soon as possible.

Several hours later when you arrive, the sun is beginning to rise in a beautiful display of colors and beams of light. But you are having to be carried into the building as your body has continued to reject the foreign limb, you are nearly comatose from the pain as the prosthesss is visibly beginning to separate from your leg.

The next two days of surgeries and lack of pain medications due to your body's rejection of the prosthesss are the worst of your life. The cybernetic leg has been a total loss, the doctors have been forced to remove even more of your leg, making it not only impossible to attempt the procedure again, but also unlikely that any type of prosthesis will ever work for you.

----------

It's been nearly a year now and you are neatly re-wrapping the white gauze around the stump. Your hands pause and your eyes go misty as you remember what it was like to walk again for those short months. You feel a tinge of regret that you ever agreed to the experiment, but you shake your head as you realize that you wouldn't trade those months for anything.

You shift your body carefully from the bed to your wheelchair and wheel yourself out into the yard to enjoy the early morning hours in quiet. In the back of your mind two words echo continuously...

If only...

If only you hadn't made all of those mistakes to begin with, you wouldn't have ever required the experiment...

**********

I was told I should write, that I was good at it.

I still don't believe you.

But here ya go.

I tried.

I still love you.

I miss you.

Broken things

A broken heart doesn't like being woke up by heart breaking things.

/pathetic

Just another task

The steam from the water flowing into the sink floats up past my face as I study the blood in my hairline. I raise the rag and begin to work the dried blood away from the caked hair and the edges of the small cut, the hair pulls and the heat from the rag stings as it touches the still seeping wound. But the pain isn't enough to make me stop, this is just another task, just another thing that I have to do. Minutes later I finish cleansing the wound and disinfect it. There! Now it isn't as noticeable. I rinse the blood from the rag and study my face in the mirror, at least you won't be able to see this scar.

Finish preparing for my day. Head off to eat before orientation later.

Wounds shouldn't be something you are accustomed to.